What I Learned as an Elementary School Parent

Tomorrow will end the 16 school years I have spent as an elementary school parent.  I will most certainly be shedding a few tears: some proud, some sad, and some even filled with joyful relief at an ending that’s been a long time coming. 

I will miss being an elementary school parent.  It has been at least a part-time job over the last decade and a half: room parent, volunteer, parent teacher group board member, site council president etc.  It all took time and energy.  And like a seasoned player, just maybe a bit past her prime, I leave it with some hard-earned confidence, maturity and a little relief.

Along the way it was impossible not to pick up a few things. I leave with the following knowledge.

Always go straight to the source.  I learned this embarrassingly early in my parent life.  Kindergarten with my oldest son, 1999– first week of school.  I questioned the teacher’s discipline technique….to the principal.   Of course she found out about my “complaint” and as she was a seasoned teacher, she approached me about it the very next day.  She explained, thoroughly, what I may have misinterpreted. She also made it pretty clear – without outright saying it – that I should have come to her first.  She was gracious about it.  She taught me how to be the kind of parent who works with teachers, as part of a team – not on opposite sides.  From all I have heard from my teacher friends, and from my children’s teachers too, one of the most taxing parts of the teaching profession today is dealing with parents who don’t support you. 

Kindergarten teachers know everything about you and your family. There are very few secrets.  Young children can be brutally honest.  And they see and hear more than you can even imagine.  So treat your teacher with great kindness.  Chances are, she knows some good dirt on you.

Little children have no qualms about farting in public.  Ever. 

Kids can be mean.  First grade boys, I’m talking about you.  Fifth grade girls? Yep, you too. There is a reason why “Lord of the Flies” is still taught today in high school.  Kids can be downright nasty.  Part of being a parent is to dry those tears caused by hurt feelings and exclusion.  It is a part of life that no parent *wants* to teach – but it happens to everyone.  If it hasn’t happened yet….it will. 

Kids can be extraordinarily compassionate.  The child who doesn’t speak in kindergarten? She will have friends who help her.  The child who has braces on her legs and can’t run? She will have friends who make up games that she can play.   The 6^th grader who doesn’t have a partner for the field trip? Someone will step up and step in with grace.

Nothing is ever accomplished by criticizing a child to his or her mother.  Even if it is “constructive” criticism. 

Groups of women can get anything done.  On a shoe-string budget.  In a small amount of time.  They can move mountains – or make them out of paper as decorations for the school play.  Nothing is impossible. 

Groups of women do not work well together.  Yes, I said it.  Yes, it’s true. 

A love of reading cannot be taught.  Reading can be taught. Love of books can be fostered and encouraged, but love ultimately comes from within each child.  Not from the parent.

No Child Left Behind did not work.  And it is my belief that Common Core will not work either.

Children learn best in small groups and small teacher to student ratios. 

Never volunteer in the classroom after lunch.  There is a reason why the veteran 6^th grade teacher doused himself in heavy cologne for years: kids smell.  Kids smell bad.  Even little ones.  The combination of black asphalt smudges, little kid sweat and leftover lunch bag smell is too powerful a combination for one’s senses.

Let your first grader take ownership of the diorama.  Let your 5^th grader take ownership of the Science Project. They can do it.  Back off.  Let them work it out on their own.  I will admit that this is extra hard.  Especially if you are crafty.  It took me a LONG time to get this concept.  But the pride they feel will go farther than any need you have to control the project.

The crossing guard, janitors and lunch ladies are the unsung heroes of the elementary school world.

Make friends with the office manager.

Never attempt to understand the complex rules of four-square.  Just nod your head and fake your comprehension.

Morning drop-off and afternoon pick-up bring out the very worst in humanity.  For the love that is all good and true….leave home 5 minutes early.  Don’t ever be *that* parent.  You know the one.  The one who makes the U-turn in the school zone.  The one who doesn’t follow the valet rules (PULL.  ALL. THE. WAY. FORWARD. Junior will survive walking 10 extra steps!) The one who jaywalks and stops traffic.  (Dads….I’m looking at you.  Please use the crosswalks.  Please model this safe behavior.)  The one who parks in a red zone next to the safety cones – blocking traffic.  The one who doesn’t think the sign “No Student Drop Off – Faculty Only” applies to them. 

I will miss this elementary school.  I will miss the people in it.  I will miss helping kids learn how to use scissors, write their names and make a clay monster.  I will miss reading to them and giving make-up spelling tests.  I will miss the art projects and the plays.  The reading logs and the journals.  I will miss the connection that I had as a volunteer to my children at school. 

Tomorrow is a big day for our family.  We say goodbye to a piece of our collective lives – one of the few constants this growing and changing family has had.  Bittersweet.  All 16 years of it.